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Major Stephenson

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(no subject) [Jan. 6th, 2008|12:14 am]
Major Stephenson
I'm dancing on the edge of keeping my patience and holding my tongue. Mom does not understand the seriousness of my situation. Being without a car is over-stressing me and the center of my back tensing up is the sign of it.

I asked for a ride today again to work from her. I gave her enough time to get ready, but instead of arriving to work at the required time Mom showed up to my house at that exact time. Still, she does not truly care. "I'm just getting in the way" is the vibe I'm picking up from her.


I'm sick of the babyish, petty treatment. I could have bought myself a car of my own, paid for my own insurance and rely on myself to have things done.
I hate to do this, but I am thinking about myself and doing what I need to do to get something done.

But to end...AH!
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(no subject) [Dec. 31st, 2007|03:27 pm]
Major Stephenson
It's the last day of the year. I guess some reflection would be nice to remember this year. I've a great time this year. It has been a year of all new experiences:

1.It was my first year at university in January (late starter). I was fortunate and chose a great writing professor's (Dr. Jillian Smith) class to be in. She has opened a door for me.
2. I started my job at Starbucks in December of last year, but truly my work experience was involved in 2007. I am so gracious
3.I have had closure from a two certain beaus. One earlier this year (through Myspace messaging and the other through text messaging). With this I can get on and not worry about what has happened with us in the past.
4.Lauren Salinas...Because of her I have gone to a good number of local band shows. I am honored to still have her in my life.
5.Stan the Man...The Harloe concert was amazing and you provided a lot of flirtation for me. You don't know this, but that is my favorite thing a guy could do...just flirt. The band was awesome (of course!!!) and you were sweet and beautiful. And those two random girls on E was just hilarious. Everytime I think about Fuel Cafe or when I enter its premises I will always cherish that night.
6.To Andy...Sorry about that one random [high-state-of-mind] message over Myspace. It sounds juvenile of me, but I appreciate you being my first kiss (I know...me being ninteen, it seems totally backwards. Especially when I have done everything else sexual. That's a gay man for you). I thought the way you approached me for a kiss was cute. It was nice. If I went kind of crazy chick on you I'm sorry. Thats a bit of my nature from the past trying to take control. But anyway thanks for the memory
7. This brings me to the Pearl. So fucking awesome. Trisha I'm glad you came with that one night. You are a trip and I love it. I remember my first night at The Pearl. I went by my lonesome. I danced with a random woman and next to a fabulous drag queen in thigh-high, leather, red boots. I love The pearl

Wll, The ball is dropping and it is time for me to head up to starbucks and prepare for tonight. I love you all. See you next year.
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(no subject) [Dec. 30th, 2007|12:36 am]
Major Stephenson
It was a better day today.
Recieved a text message from April:

Her:I fixed the seat. We can't lean it back any more but it stays up :)
Me:Are you mad at me?
April:No. Last night was just nt a good night.
Me:Okay. I know that sounded so pre-school.

I guess we are back to being BFFL! Maybe she does care.

Work was quite easy tonight. I had a little more stuff to do. Fran has done pre-close for the past few nights so I thought I would give her a break from it. It was nice to have Joel and Trisha up there tonight. I love having good-minded friends around. It grounds me.

I am spending the night at Jonny's and I believe some blg writing for "Alternative Press" is in order.
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Friendships, Maturity, Hawks, Beers [Dec. 29th, 2007|02:23 am]
Major Stephenson
I felt the need for an intermission was in order ( for the simple fact that I want to give my beers a chance to cool). I'm watching Kill Bill Vol. 1 at the moment. My favorite part--Oren Ishii--is about to beging and I truly want to enjoy it so I am giving the couple of Coronas that I have a chance to chill. In the meantime I will vent.

April is possibly mad at me and I believe that our friendship is on the border. I feel that she already doesn't care about me and this incident with her car seat is her excuse to cut the 5 year old friendship string. I guess she prefers someone who is a girl and comes with the possibility of fucking. It's harsh, but that what it feels like.

I was happy for a brief moment tonight while trying to figure out how I was going to get home. My militry man came through again (background story: about a couple of months ago this guy came in his uniform and I asked him about his tattoos. He told me about they're representation of his best friend that died. I fell heavy in like with him because he was so mature for his age. He was only twenty. Joing the armed forces when he was eighteen. It was with him that I realised that I'm looking for a mature man and not just some young folk). I remembered him and he remembered me, even with the hawk. I asked how he was doing and in return he asked how was my Christmas. His name is Kevin. I learned it today. It was nice seeing him. He looked good as usual. I miss that uniform though, but his smile and maturity did enough for me.

Speaking of the hawk I had Courtney trim up the sides, but she cut it uneven and I'm really not feeling it. I want it all cut off and I'm going to start anew. I need a different type hairstyle. I want something fresh. I should just let my hair grow out again and let it do it's own thing.

I'm sure my beers aren't cold, but I need them anyway and I want to finish the movie.
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(no subject) [Dec. 28th, 2007|02:06 pm]
Major Stephenson
I am a little pissed for the simplae fact that while I was writing the first page of Crayola's Playhouse--the page that is the hardest to write--was deleted. In the middle of my tyoing I guess a sign came up and I didn't ctach it because, like I said, I was typing. Next thing my entire page went blank. I am so angry. It was going so well. Now I have to remember all that I wrote and try to piece it back together. It was going so well. I can't believe Microsoft word. Death to the bitch. Death to it.
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(no subject) [Dec. 28th, 2007|02:05 am]
Major Stephenson
I'm really trying my best at starting this book, Crayola's Playhouse, off right. I guess the process of writing is to keep going and going and eventually the puzzle will master itself together. I have the first 1/4 of the first page complete. Sounds like a little, but it took a lot. Oh happy days. Why do I want to be a writer?
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Venting [Dec. 25th, 2007|12:50 am]
Major Stephenson
I learned the other day that Art believes I do not work enough and because of that he says he can no longer work with me. I have a couple of problems with this thinking of his.

The first problem I have with this is that he could have come and told me how he felt himself. This is one of those times in life where "you be a man" and confront me about how you feel. I had to find out through Sean, a friend for the both of us but a closer one to me: you must have known he was going to tell me. As Sean said I don't want to turn this into a "he said she said" ordeals.

The second problem that I have with this situation is that it is completely ridiculous. The pot is trying to call the kettle black. It truly upset me that he said this because I bust my ass for my little wage of 7.58 and hour. It is him that neds some growing up to do. Take for example Friday: I closed with Pike and Art. The entire night was a complete suck-up fest with the two of them. Art acted like a child to get his way and Pike gave into his demands, of course. I'm tired of busting my ass for it only to seem like I'm doing shit.

And this brings me to another point: I'm tired of Pike instigating that I don't know how to do anything. I'm sorry, but I can run that store better than he could. It seriously is getting on my nerves. And it is sad because I do want to become a shift manager, but woking for Pike I will never have that chance because he can't see past his own shit. I will say if anyone else gets hired as a shift, besides Joel, I will seriously by pissed and more than likely transfer or I will get a new job. Circuit City is already putting in their bids to get me.

Well, it is Christmas. Merry Jesus-mas everyone. I hope you have a well day.
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(no subject) [Dec. 24th, 2007|02:47 am]
Major Stephenson
Sean you would be proud of me.
I had the chance to hook up with this guy tonight. Over the past week I have felt the need to relieve some sexual energy and the oppurtunity presented itself through a twenty-four year old with an email address named snomonkie. Well, this crack monkey did some thinking and a little growing up.
I did not go to this said monkey's household. I stayed home, fixed a turkey sandwich, and watched Veronica Mars.
I've come to realize that I want more than just sex with some random guy. I want to know the guy before certain parts are shoved in certain places. Sex is only better when there is a true connection and I need more connection than the fact of both beings having the same genitalia.
This ties back into my past. I won't bring up all details, but my past has been more of suck this when I need you and bend over when I call you. A sex puppet with no true purpose.
That's why I'm iffy on relationships.
That's why I'm not all together with trust.
I guess I have to start from the beginning. I should give this "relationship" thing a go but there is a problem with this idea.
What is the point of getting into a relationship that I know is useless? Yes, he may have a pretty face, but I need something deeper. I would love something that lasts.

Continuing from this post I have finally connected back to the internet. The process of fixing my connection randomly hit me in the head this early morning. Lucky me I suppose.

It has been a very occupied weekend with the work schedule. I worked the weekend and I dealt with most of the rushes that we recieved. It has been a long weekend and I love the fact I have the next two days off.

Well, after I got off work from I went over to Ronnie's. I wanted to relax and asked Joel to hook me up, but Ronnie freaked out on me. It is one thing to just be honest with me and the complete opposite of raging like a five-year old and throw stuff. I can see what Jeremy was getting at. He is completely immature. He is cool and all, but seriously a little farfetched. I think I'm just going to stay away from there awhile. I really don't need the over-dramatization of things.

(My water bottle is empty and I am feeling a little bit tired)

I am loving this hawk. I am going to rock this shit for a hot second. It fits me perfectly. I'm just going to have Courtney trim up the sides every now and then when they need touching up.

I'm washing clothes at the moment and I am going to watch a couple of episodes of The L Word:Season 4 until I drift off into the lands that resemble reality, but only a reality that I approve of. Whatever.

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(no subject) [Dec. 12th, 2007|12:50 am]
Major Stephenson
It's after work
I had Sean buy me a bottle of Bacardi Rum.
I am now at April's with four shouts down my throat already.
Did a popper.
Sweating a little bit.
I think I will have a smoke.
So glad school is over.
I can relax.
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(no subject) [Dec. 11th, 2007|02:11 pm]
Major Stephenson
Boy: Forgive me father for I have sinned.

Father: What is it my child? What have you done?

Boy: It is not what I have done, but what I am preparing to do?

Father: And...

Boy: [Falls quiet from deciphering the demons of questions inside him] I...

Father: Go ahead my child. Let it out so that you can walk the path once more alongside with our God.

Boy: I'm not sure if I can come out right and say this so I will begin with another list.

Father: [Somewhat startled from the boy's mentioning of a list] Alright. Begin with what you feel is best.

Boy: [He takes a deep breath, relaxes a bit more and begins] Over the past month I admit to not going to class on a regular schedule. I know the importance of going to class, but I also understand the importance to myself.

Father: My child do you-

Boy: [Cuts the Father off quickly to continue] I'm not done Father. I guess I'm overstressed from wanting to pass, but feel that I am going to fail from my absent behavior. During the days I would skip I would do absolutely nothing except go over to my friend's house and engage in these destructive behaviors. I smoke, Father. I am not addicted to it or anything, but I do it just because I can and for some twisted reason it feels good. And that's the thing. I am doing this because it feels good, but the Church teaches that the "feel goods" are not God's plan or purpose.

[The father starts to feel a bit more uneasy with himself as he falls deeper into his chair. The boy continues]

Can you explain to me what is God's purpose? Have you spoken to him directly? Because if you have I will stop some these rational thoughts of mine and follow how word. Tell me that you have spoken to him.

Father: [Clears his throat as he begins to explain] My boy it is what we call belief. You must beli...

Boy: [Cuts the Father off once more and now begins talking in a more harsh tone] That is where we fall victim. That is the one thing that scares helpless children into believing "God." That one word. That one fucking word.

Father: [ Angrily aroused from the boy's choice of word] Young man! If you do not grab a hold of yourself I will have you removed from this Church immediately.

Boy: [Influenced by the Father's tone and calms down] Forgive me Father. I was out of hand.

Father [More relaxed from handling the situation] It is okay my child. I understand where you come from with these thoughts and emotions. I took a tough time to for myself to settle justly into my faith. I have come a long way. You will to. Just hold on.

Boy: [Tears form at his eyes] But Father...I can't get rid of these thoughts. These thoughts are killing me intrinsically. I do everything to try and rid myself of them, but I can't shake.

Father: [Shocked from the boys crying] Is there more my child. What is the true reasoning for your presence? What is troubling you?

Boy: [Falls back into his seat staring up at the ceiling as if trying to search for an answer] I must leave. I need to breathe.

Father: [Eager to help the boy] My child what is it? Tell me. Confess to the Lord.

[The Boy stands up and prepares to exit the confessional]
My child! Tell me what is wrong.

Boy: [Turns around before he exits to confess] Forgive me Father for I am lustful. I am meeting a married me within an hour.

[The Father listens to the door close and rushes to stand up and catch the boy. He exits the confessional.

Father: My child! [The church is empty. The Father murmurs quietly] My son.
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